Are They Lying?

I'm a pretty empathetic person and try to be aware of how others are feeling by their actions and words. But knowing they are lying? Hmmm.. not sure since I'm pretty gullible sometimes.

I came across this article on how to become a human lie detector. You look for suspicious behaviors. By themselves they might be signs of stress or a person's natural mannerism but when two or more are coupled together you might want to be hesitant on what s(he) is saying to you.

Top 8 Suspicious Behaviors

1. A change in the voice's pitch.
2. A change on the rate of speech.
3. A sudden increase in the number of "ums" and "ahs".
4. A change in eye contact. Normally one makes eye contact 1/4 of the time. If suddenly, at the convenient moment to lie, they are staring at you or looking away.
5. Turning their body away from you, even if it's just slightly.
6. Suddenly being able to see the white on the top and bottom of a person's eyes, not just the sides.
7. A hand reaching, even if it's briefly, to cover part of the face especially the mouth.
8. Nervous movement of feet or legs.

But in order to notice a change, you need to be familiar with this person enough to know their natural mannerisms.

Look for mixed signs. When someone is telling the truth, their words, face and body language all go together. If someone says she likes you, her face is usually relaxed, has a genuine smile, warm eyes, body is calm and open. But when she's lying, something will be inconsistent. She may have a smile but her eyes aren't smiling. Look for mismatches between words and body language.

Now how about some tips for raising kids that won't lie to you.

1. Watch how you respond to your kids when they misbehave or make a poor choice. 
Be honest; adults lie to protect themselves from punishment or an unpleasant outcome when they do something wrong. Why do we expect anything different from our kids? Try using a calm voice to address their 'bad' behavior and avoid punishment and lectures so your child will feel safe telling the truth.

2. Shift to Solutions
Focus on ways to fix the situation or misbehavior. Reword your accusations. Instead of demanding, "Who tracked mud all over the floor?" which alludes to a lie, say, "What can we do to clean this up?" This allows the child to save face and you can bet that after wiping up the muddy floor, he'll take off his muddy shoes next time.

3. Ask Instead of Accuse
If you catch your child in a lie, work on figuring out why she felt like she couldn't tell you the truth. You can gently say, "That sounds a bit unbelievable. You must be worried about telling me what really happened. Let's talk about it." By starting the conversation this way, you might be able to get the real story and real information that can clue you in on how to teach your child to be honest next time.