As I reflect on what went on in 2009, it was really about me submitting to God's Will for my life and trusting Him that he had the best possible path for me. Innately, I am a planner. I always had a To-Do list as long as I can remember and to go back to work full-time and teach was definitely NOT on my list. It was an inner spiritual battle for me. A battle with me and God. Do I be like Jonah and run away from Nineveh, and do my own thing? (Well, for those of you are not familiar with the story of Jonah in the Bible, he doesn't do what God tells him to do which is to go to the city of Nineveh; runs in the opposite direction and jumps on a ship; gets thrown off the ship during a storm; gets swallowed by a fish; ponders about what he did in the fish; and eventually gets spit out by the fish so he can obey God's command for him.) I did not want to meet my 'fish'. So I obeyed. It is all a matter of trust and having faith in my God. The One who loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me so that I may have eternal life. Many times life does not go the way we planned. Many times we have a choice in what direction we take our lives. Our challenge is do we follow our own path or God's?
Written on September 25, 2009
I just wanted to update you on what's going on with me.. I am going back to work... yep.. and it's full time.
Now you may ask, "How did that happen?" Well, Emily's third grade teacher took a two-week medical leave after one week of school being in session. A long term sub took over temporarily. As a contingency, in case the original teacher was not returning, I was asked to consider the position. I turned it down. I was not ready to go back to work full time and enjoyed the fact that finally after 9 years of waiting, I have the days to spend it for 'me'. I also was looking forward in volunteering in Hannah's Kindergarten class throughout the year. Plus I was involved in ministries at church: co-leading a bible study and coordinating our annual Women's Retreat. In a nut shell, I had very busy plans this year.
Fast forward a few days.. I was told the original teacher will not be returning. And the school had no acceptable teachers they would want to hire. So it was back to me .. again. Again, I said no.. but I also struggled with a huge feeling of guilt and burden that it will have to be me if no one else is available. Now mind you, I have a personal stake in this situation. Whoever was going to teach this class will be teaching my daughter. And they did not have anyone that the school felt would be qualified enough to take on this 28-student-third-grade-class.. the only third grade class in the school.
The dilemma.. what to do.. what to do.. I hate being forced to do something I don't want to do.(I know I sound like a child). I knew that I would go back to work full time.. it was just that this was not the right time for me. I wanted to enjoy the 'me' time that I've been waiting for nine years. Matthew was very supportive in whatever decision I made. All he said was that I needed to have peace with the decision I made. I said No.. and I had no peace.
I was constantly bombarded with signs of what God wanted me to do.. and after many days of prayer and struggle internally in my head and heart.. I figured out that God wanted me to take a step of faith in obedience to Him.. I kept saying No.. but this time I was saying No to God. Thus I had no peace. So .... with the experiences of Moses, Abraham and Jonah to remind me that God wants us to obey Him because he wants to bless us.. I went into the school with nervousness and great hesitancy of what I was getting myself into.. I said yes I would take the position. And I have peace.
So today.. after numerous last minute interviews with the school's leadership, I accepted the position of being the new third grade teacher at CCS... and the privilege of teaching my own daughter for one year.
Am I happy? Honestly, no.. not yet.. if you know me well.. and all of you do.. it was very difficult for me to accept a change in 'my' plans for my life. But I do have peace and as you probably know, am planning out what I want to do for the rest of the school year.
Matthew and I are extremely thankful that Hannah has an incredible teacher who will take care of her as if she was her own daughter... or granddaughter?.. Oops.. no...she's not that old. :)
I am thankful that this was the grade that I loved to teach and taught for three years before the girls were born. I am thankful that I know almost all of the students and their parents well. And I am thankful that I have a ton of support from the school and church staff offering their time and talents to help me through this year.
I am extremely thankful for a loving husband who will support me in whatever decision I made and his openness to accept the increase participation in the 'household/family' responsibilities.
My start date will not be until November 2. My family and my parents will be heading to China for two weeks in October. In the meantime, there is a lot of preparation I need to do before and after I come back from China. (Please pray for good health and safe travels!)
Thank you to Marj who spent so much time listening to this whole situation of mine and for Elaine for giving me the freedom to let go of my baby girl for her to take care of as I go and teach her Jeh Jeh.
This was one of the most difficult decisions I had to make in my life. And I ask for your prayers for me at this time. Thanks so much!
No comments:
Post a Comment