Shy? Not Really

Introvert? Most Definitely.

I am drawn to articles that talk about introverts and am always curious to see where I am in the introvert - extrovert spectrum. Personally I feel that I am an introvert. Others that know me well may beg to differ in my opinion. I know that working in advertising where I had to frequently make presentations to clients and then foraying into the teaching realm may seem to attract an extroverted-type person. I did 'learn' to be an extrovert but deep deep inside I am a true introvert.

This article just affirms and validates who I think I am.

"10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World" by Alena Hall for the Huffington Post was very eye opening. She quoted Susan Cain's study "The Power of Introverts" indicating that the trait of introversion is different from being shy. Cain says, "Shyness is about fear of social judgment. Introversion is more about how do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation. Extraverts really crave large amounts of stimulation whereas introverts feel at their most alive and their most 'switched on' and their most capable when they are in quieter, more low-key environments."

Below are 9 out of 10 ways I, an introvert, agree on how I physically interact with the world around me differently than extroverts.

 1. They withdraw in crowds. Yes, crowds easily overstimulates me and drains me of my physical energy. And Yes even if I know everyone.


2. Small talk stresses them out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive. Yes, I treasure my one-on-one deep conversations. Small talk, more general topics like the weather, movies etc. I don't really enjoy much.
 
3. They succeed on stage--just not in the chit-chat afterwards. Yes, I can teach a class of 40 kids, present to a group of 15 adults but right afterwards engaging with strangers who heard me speak is oh so not fun. I want to slip away from the crowd after I get off the stage. At least half of people who speak for a living are introverted in nature.
 

4. They get distracted easily, but rarely feel bored. Yes, I can get very impatient, antsy in a large group looking around feeling very out of place.  But if I'm in a corner by myself with a book in my hand I am happy. "Because of their sensitivity to their surroundings, introverts struggle with feeling distracted and overwhelmed in large groups but when they are in a place of peace and quiet, they have no problem in diving into a good book or working on a favorite hobby."

5. They are naturally drawn to more creative, detail-oriented and solitary careers.  Yes, I enjoyed media planning when I was in advertising and teaching also due to the lesson planning. It's the executing that was not so fun but overall I'd love to be in a room all by myself and make lists and plans details and make more lists and more plans.
 
6. When surrounded by people, they locate themselves close to an exit. Oh YES.. that is why I always sit on an aisle seat either close to the front or way in the back both next to the exit doors at church.

7. They think before they speak. OK , I admit, this does not apply to me. I wish I had this trait. I wouldn't get into trouble as much.

8. They don't take on the mood of their environment like extraverts do.Yes, I don't seem to connect well with crowds. Instead I feel awkward and out of place, almost every single time.

9. They physically can't stand talking on the phone. Oh YES that is so me. They say most introverts screen their calls because the intrusive ringing of the phone forces them to abandon focus on what they were doing and most phone conversations require a certain level of small talk that introverts avoid. My cell phone plan has unlimited minutes a month and I use like less than 100 a month, if any.
 

10. They literally shut down when its time to be alone. YES that is so me. I treasure my alone time and the more busy I am the more I so desire it. Susan Cain says. "Solitude matters and for some people, it is the air that they breathe."

Bottom line, I like to read about this info and share this information because I am always looking for ways to understand people and the only way we can truly understand one another is to understand how God made them, to understand their upbringing or background and to see things in their point of view. It is so easy to judge without knowing the whole truth. As a teacher, I need to understand who my students are and how God made them and their family life to be able to fruitfully teach them what they need to know. No one is exactly the same.

The more we understand others the more we can all get along. And that's what we need more in the world. Less criticism and more love!

What are you? An Introvert or Extrovert? It'll help me understand you better!

Five Important Languages to Know

My husband has been leading a men's study at church on The Five Love Languages of Children/Teenagers by Gary Chapman. It's very similar to the book for adults. He and the men in his group have been focusing on how to improve their relationships with their children especially with their daughters.

As I have always told him, our daughter's first relationship with a man is with her father. He sets the impressions of who, what and how a male figure acts, behaves and treats her. It is these impressions that are ingrained in her memory for the rest of her life. It is these impressions that will influence her thoughts, expectations, and actions towards the men in her life.

Below are the descriptions of each of the five love languages (for adults):
(From their website: www.5lovelanguages.com)

What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language!

• Words of Affirmation
  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time
  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts
  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service
  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch
  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

My love language is Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.

My husband's is Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Emily's is Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.

Hannah's is Quality Time and Physical Touch.

So knowing each of our family members' love language helps us give love to each person more thoughtfully and consciously. Many parents may think Receiving Gifts are always on the top for kids but that's not true. I personally know of some children that would prefer Words of Affirmation and Quality Time than a Gift. I mean gifts can't hurt but words or time spent with them are so much more meaningful AND it builds memories.

Take the test yourself, then give the test to your kids. You might be surprised with their results.

I'd love to hear what your love language is.

Assessment

BTW, my husband and his bible study colleagues are going to see "Courageous" this week. 
It's a movie about : "Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood. While they consistently give their best on the job, good enough seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they're quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark. When tragedy hits home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God ... and to their children?"

I encourage you fathers (and mothers and teens) to go see it. I've heard nothing but awesome reviews about it. It'll impact your view about being a parent.

Just a PSA..