Mommy... Mom... Mama... Ma

Today is Mother's Day and we had our annual church slideshow to honor and celebrate Moms or Dads. This year it was Moms. (We alternate each year so next year the fancy slideshow will be pictures of the dads with their kids.)

FCC Portrait 2014

Sometimes it's hard to relate with our moms until we become one. This video below tells the truth and nothing but the truth!

Our Founding Pastor's wife, Marti Williams, preached during Sunday Service today. It was absolutely appropriate since she was sharing about how her relationship with her mother and mother-in-law  molded her to become the mother and grandmother she is today.

She had nine pieces of advice and I loved them so much that I wanted to share them with you with my interpretation of her insights.

1. Just "BE" with Jesus so you can fully give like Jesus.
Being a mother is about giving. Giving until it hurts. Giving until you are empty and exhausted. And Marti says you cannot give when you are empty so we need to fill ourselves with Jesus on a daily basis. We need to just be still and know he is God. The One who can truly give us all we need to be the best mother we can be to whomever we are 'mothering' whether you are caring for your own children, someone else's children, your students, or your parents who have aged to the point that they are like children.

2. Do not compare your children with other children.
You will never get pleasure out of that. There will always be a child that is better in something than your child and someone that is not. Why is that important? Does it make you love your child any less or more? So forget about comparing.

3. Don't compete with your child or live the life you wished you had through your child.
Celebrate who they are. Praise them for their uniqueness and strengths. Encourage them in their passions. Don't make them feel bad because they are not like you when you were a child. Don't put pressure on them to be someone you wished you were, or make them into someone you want them to become.

4. Be present with your child.
Sit, talk, listen, watch, and enjoy your child. We moms tend to do that more when our kids were little since we don't want them to put something dirty in their mouths or touch something that is dangerous. You don't want to miss their 'first step' so you watch them like a hawk. But as they get older and more self sufficient, watching and admiring them wanes. When adults reflect on their childhood they don't remember the items that you bought them, but instead remember the times you spent together. Don't stop making those memories.

5. Be patient. Hold your tongue.
When growing up Marti shared that her mother never ever criticized her nor said anything negative about her (at least to her face). Her mother was always encouraging and filled with praise for her daughter. (Now you know she did not come from an Asian family! LOL!)

Because of her upbringing, Marti's words to others are always words of praise, thankfulness and encouragement. That is just who she is. When she married Pastor Sherman, her mother-in-law let her son go and never ever came between her son and his wife. She cherished Marti and respected her as her son's wife, her new daughter, and the mother of her grandchildren.

How freeing is that? I mean WOW! That is so freeing. I would not have needed to learn to how build up my own self-esteem because of my parents' negative criticism of me while I was growing up. But of course that is a different culture. Giving praise meant giving someone a 'big head' and that was a no-no in the Chinese culture. You need them to be constantly striving to be better so the negative criticism pushes you to do better, while positive praise makes you lazy and ungrateful. But my mother had good intentions. I don't think I am who I am without what she taught me. To never take anything for granted. To work hard and spend wisely. Buy what you need not what you want. Stay loyal to family. Family will always be there for you. Family willl never leave nor abandon you. My mother worked 24/7 to provide everything that I needed until I got married, so life for me as a newlywed can be fresh, new and free. She sacrificed her needs and wants to provide for her children. She still gives unconditionally to me and to her grandchildren.

My mother-in-law, Pauline (left) and my mom , Dolly (right)

I have to say that I can relate to one of Marti's relationships. My mother-in-law is the perfect mother-in-law. Yes, I am biased but it's true. She loves me for who I am, never uttering a negative criticism nor comment. She never puts her son in a position that he has to choose between me or her. She freely gives, lavishly encourages, and praises me and loves me unconditionally. She prays for me, and she shares the love of Christ to my unbelieving parents. She never stops sharing to them. I know that God will hear our requests. One day they will know Jesus as their Lord and Savior in part because my mother-in-law is a determined and faithful prayer warrior.

6. Do not disrespect your spouse in front of your children.
Children model and emulate us at a very young age. They want to be like us. They want to dress like us and do what we do. They watch us and learn how to treat others by watching how we treat each other. They can tell if you don't like someone, disrespect someone, or if you're just being fake with someone. They get it. They see it. And they will copy you. You are damaging their relationship with your spouse if you treat your spouse disrespectfully in front of them.

7. Don't tell your children how to raise their children.
(Well I'm not there yet but I will listen to this piece of advice.)  Just don't go there. They know how you think. You spent their whole childhood with them. They know what you will say. Just leave it at that for the sake of preserving your relationship with them.

8. Let It Go..
Marti shared her own daughter's insights on the subject of motherhood:
"Release your agenda for your child. Don't try to create your child in your own image. Be attentive to who they are, who God created them to be, and help them discover their purpose and calling and dreams that may be different from your own. Know that no matter what, there are no formulas, and trusting God with their lives is all we can do in the end." Christy Williams Ingebretson

9. There is no way to do it all right.
We do our best with what we've been given, and ask God to redeem the rest! Calloused knees help! (quoted from Marti's friend, Mary) Yes we need to pray for our children. And not only for good health, safety, good grades, nice friends, get into a good school so they can get a good job so they can find a good mate so they can build a great family so their kids in turn can have a good life etc..

Here are seven additional specific things to pray for your children:

1. That Jesus will call them and no one will hinder them from hearing.
2. That they will respond in faith to Jesus’s faithful, persistent call.
3. That they will experience sanctification through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit and will increasingly desire to fulfill the greatest commandments.
4. That they will not be unequally yoked in intimate relationships, especially marriage.
5. That their thoughts will be pure.
6. That their hearts will be stirred to give generously to the Lord’s work.
7. That when the time is right, they will GO!
(borrowed from Jon Bloom, Seven Things to Pray for your Children)

I hope you were encouraged with these words of wisdom as I was today.

If you want to watch Marti's whole sermon, you can check it out here:
Mother's Day 2014

Happy Mother's Day!